so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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