i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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