I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize