Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How drunk are you?
Completed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
