I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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