508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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