yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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