shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
