the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Soap is not a condiment
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
