i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
