Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
