dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize