this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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