So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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