I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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