She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
