i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am available for nakedness
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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