Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
