i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
