She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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