I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
