I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
