Say something about gay babies.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
