I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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