HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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