If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
