dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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