I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
