I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
