anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
