He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
