every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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