to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
