there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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