garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
