My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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