I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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