now i know why i became what i already was.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
