I just cut my nipple shaving
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
