do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
