My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
