No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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