Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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