Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
