I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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