dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize