hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
