Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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