The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
