please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
