he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize