I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
