Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
