Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
