Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
