a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
