I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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