I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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