I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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