Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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